I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
