After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
