its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
