Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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