Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
