I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
