im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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