she woke up with a sticky ear
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
