I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
