If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
