nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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