even my farts smell like vagina
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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