I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Oh god it's open bar.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
