I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
