ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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