home. puking in laundry basket.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
