I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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