I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
