we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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