I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Randomize
