I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
