:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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