My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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