EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
