thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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