Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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