As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
