I didn't shave. On purpose
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
