i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
