checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Sorry my hands just texted you
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
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