What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
