she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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