Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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