Swine flu is the new snow day.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
