What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
