I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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