I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
