he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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