Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
