Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
