oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Everyone says I win the strip club
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
