Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The air was thick with penises
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
