While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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