OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Are my feet made of real feet?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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