and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He? As in you personified your dick?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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