Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
