Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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