He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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