quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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