I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
